Walking with my wound

At work they used to promote the thought of failing fast. Recognize what isn't working and move on quickly to find something that does. Although it was easy to apply at work, I have never been able to apply it in my personal life. I have held on to relationships and situations far beyond reason. Most of the time out of pure determination to make something work that I thought should or needed to because of how I felt. In most situations, I knew whatever issues were occurring were not really about me. I watched others express their wounds. I joined them in theirs. All the while, completely ignoring my own.

Through human design, I've learned that my wound in this life is the high degree of self sacrifice that I continually wrap myself in. Looking back now, I realize the circumstances that taught me I was not a priority. I was taught that self sacrifice is noble. Perhaps even an obligation of love. There was always something more important than me. I learned to stay small and I learned to focus my attention elsewhere continually.

To learn that this is what I came into this world to conquer is a tough reality. Changing my whole awareness and response wiring is a daunting task when I have so much chaos surrounding me every day.

I feel like a toddler learning to walk. I stumble, I fall, I get back up. Each time I get back up, maybe I can take another step. It is progress. Slow progress. Progress nonetheless. My path is clear. This wound is with me, walking beside me. It's waiting for me to fail or overcome.