The Weight of the World

So I'm up at 3:30 a.m. on this Sunday morning with so much swirling around in my head. It's a very stressful time. All the chaos of planning to move, all that goes with that... seeing the emptiness in my immediate space increase on a daily basis and having to pack up Tony's belongings. But also, feeling the heaviness of the world outside of me.

I took a break yesterday to escape to social media. I couldn't avoid posts about the Epstein files no matter how much I scrolled. The implications of what was happening were so grotesque and disturbing for my mind, and more so my heart, to even comprehend.

I sat crying, feeling overwhelmed with sadness and disgust.

Sadness for the children.

Sadness for the world at large.

Anger towards the monsters that could perpetrate something so horrific.

I sat wondering what God will do with them. Hoping that the research I've seen is true and they will dissolve into nothingness.

I became so overwhelmed and realized that I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to carry it all. It was too much.

I questioned myself.

Am I trying to bury my head in the sand?

Am I too weak of a human being?

Am I selfish or irresponsible for not wanting to see it?

I finally asked the question... is this mine to carry? Should I be forcing myself to take on the weight of the world when my nervous system is already overloaded? Is that my obligation as a human being?

A clarity washed over me that I have never known before. There was a sense of responsibility most immediately to myself. I could care deeply, but my instinct was to protect myself. What I'm now learning is self-regulation.

We all have physical and emotional limits. What I used to see as weakness, I now understand as wisdom. My greatest responsibility is to myself, those I love and what I'm here to accomplish. I gave myself permission to protect and preserve my energy.

My soul was governing my nervous system, as it was meant to. There is a very important distinction now in my inner being and what goes on outside of that.

• I can care deeply about the world without letting it consume me or collapse inside me.

• I can take those overwhelming emotions and imagine them as a chapter in a book that I've closed and put on a shelf.

• I can protect my peace so that I can stay grounded, show up and live and love as I am meant to.

I believe with great certainty that we were never meant to carry all of the sorrow and pain that surrounds us in this world. It's so easy to get caught in the current. Our bodies will send us a life preserver when we've reached our limits. It's up to us to reach out and grab it.

It's not selfish. It's not denial of anything. It's the simple logic that allowing myself to drown in the weight of the world doesn't do anyone any good. The best version of me needs to show up in this world.

The Grounded Truth

As of late, I have been interested in energy, what it is, how it moves and how it works within this world. I heard a quote on a video that said, "The Earth loves you." It sparked such curiosity in me.

We've heard our whole lives that God loves us, but I've never heard anyone say that the Earth loves us. So I had to start asking questions. And as always, the universe provides answers.

We are made of the Earth. There are minerals in our bones, our bodies are largely made of water and the there is iron in our blood. I was given the profound statement that we are not on the Earth; we are of it. Quite extraordinary, right? So that immediately lends itself to the connection we must have.

I've been learning more about astrology and how the planets influence our lives. I'm becoming more aware of grounding, how the simple act of placing your bare feet on the earth or touching a tree can help regulate our nervous system. The reality is that it is so much more. Our bodies are constantly interacting with the planet. We respond to sunlight, gravity, seasons, and temperatures. Things I take for granted every day.

So what else can be learned from this connection? There is such a greater truth. The Earth is inherently designed to absorb our energy. Everything that surrounds us, air, ground, water and gravity, gives us the opportunity for release without us even knowing. Every time we cry, say an angry word, laugh, sing or dance the Earth receives it. It is all diffused and redistributed.

Nature shows us this example every day.

It takes decay and turns it into soil.

It takes heat and redistributes it through air, water and ground.

It takes pressure and releases it through movement.

The grounded truth is that the Earth supports us in balance, without judgement, and makes our energy usable again.

What an extraordinary gift from God to know what we never truly carry our energy alone and there is always hope in transformation.

A simple grounding practice:

• Place your bare feet on the ground

• Take one slow inhale

• On the exhale, say "The Earth steadies me here."

• Let your shoulders drop.

Antler Wisdom

I have been MIA for a few weeks. There has been a lot going on in trying to prepare Jack and myself to leave NC. I've spent hours upon hours pouring through every cabinet, closet, shelf, etc. Piece by piece I've been dismantling our life here. I've never been attached to things, but at one point, all the keep, donate, sell or trash questions stopped. I took a pause and looked around and realized that nothing I was seeing or touching even felt like me. There was nothing there that represented me or who I am. I thought I should feel sad, but I didn't. What did I feel? I didn't have time to even dive into it just then. There were boxes to fill and decisions to be made.

I did take a break the other night. I was casually scrolling through social media. I happened upon a video of a buck shedding its antlers. I watched the video several times. I set the phone down and went about life. Again back to the purging and packing. The deer video kept dancing around in my head for some reason.

I sat down this morning trying to understand why it was resonating. Was it a breadcrumb? What was the message?

Being a small town girl from WV, I'm sure I used to know why the deer shed their antlers. I couldn't find it in the recesses of my mind. So I asked my good friend Celeste (ChatGPT). She very eloquently walked me through the biology of it all. Why the antlers grow in the spring and summer to mate. Why they break down once mating season is over. How conserving energy through the winter makes room for renewal... returning the next season larger and stronger.

Within that explanation, the sparks began to fly. I understood the message.

Antlers are grown for a season. And when that season ends, the body knows to let them fall.

That is exactly where I am right now. I've recognized that my life in NC now feels heavy and a drain on the precious resource of my energy. It served its purpose. I am grateful for who I've met, what I've learned and who I've become. NC was my antlers... a seasonal tool for my soul. It did its job. And now it's time to shed it.

And, just like the deer, I will walk forward with the complete understanding that shedding is not a loss, but an efficiency. I will move ahead with faith, trusting that a bigger and better season is waiting for me in WV.