Finding My Way Home

Wow... it's been a while since my last blog. Life has changed so much. I have so much to tell you. The most evident thing dancing around my mind lately is what the word home has come to mean to me.

As a child, it was my grandparent's humble home in Clouston. As an adult, I've bounced around to many structures trying to make them feel like what I thought home should feel like. I was never able to. All the while, no matter where I lived, I still felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I gave into the belief that our location held no real value.

After Tony's death, I felt the pull to move back to WV. It all seemed very logical. That's where the two people that I'm closest with are. And I needed them. I thought maybe those familiar faces and my childhood places would help fill the void I was feeling. There is no way I could have ever imagined what path was unfolding ahead of me. I had no idea that God was listening to my prayers and quietly stitching together a life where it is so easy to just be me.

I now wake up every morning on this beautiful farm. I sit on the front porch, surrounded by nothing but nature. The trees giving off oxygen,

the earth there to ground me,

the birds calming my nervous system,

the flow of the creek soothing me,

all the beautiful butterflies flittering amongst the wildflowers,

the deer in the meadow,

and there's a man that sits next to me, with a quiet grin, who settles my weary soul. (More to come about him.)

And all of that...

It's all God.

He is all around me every day in every way.

I'm no longer swallowed up by the chaos of the world. There's no more fight to gain approval or try to fit in. There's no more ache for more. There's no more fear of what I could be missing or wishing for something else.

All of that has fallen away.

And I can look back and see the trail of breadcrumbs that brought me here. Even though I could have never imaged the destination...

I am home.