My Alarming Superpower

There is a lot to unpack here... get comfortable.

I - like most, I think - didn't know I was wounded. Not in the spiritual sense anyway.

I've gone through a 25 year career knowing I am really good at my job. Hyper-aware. Always ten steps ahead. I'm a problem solver. I'm "the fixer." I anticipate needs. I maneuver chaos like a downhill skier. Pivoting and adjusting repeatedly throughout the day like a pinball bouncing from one issue to another.

I was praised for it. Rewarded for it. Promoted because of it.

Yet this same person is paralyzed with fear about having a conversation with a stranger and has panic attacks about taking the wrong exit off of the highway.

A therapist told me almost 20 years ago that I have something called Anticipation Anxiety. I shrugged, tucked the label into my back pocket, and only pulled it out when I needed to explain away my fear. I never truly asked why it was there.

All these years never understanding that my anxiety was an alarm system going off because I didn't feel safe or in control. Without realizing what was happening, I got very good at controlling my environment. When I couldn't, I learned to stay quiet and I would shrink myself to feel safe, which is all just unhealthy avoidance dressed up as excellence.

I now understand that my anxiety is my internal security system trying to manage my unspoken fears. Where are those fears derived? That's right, my core wound.

We are taught in Human Design that we incarnate into this world with a chosen soul curriculum. This is what we choose to experience, understand and ultimately - hopefully - learn to transform.

Now that I'm aware, I'm doing the work to recode my nervous system. I still have my superpowers, but they are no longer chained to fear.

I'm learning not to shrink - I'm thinking bigger. Feeling deeper.

I'm learning to let go and trust my intuition and the universe. I don't have to constantly prepare for disaster.

I can express my truth - without the fear of feeling judged, rejected or misunderstood.

I'm doing it.

Working on it.

Working on myself to become so that I can overcome.

This blog is literally my healed voice rising from my core wound of suppression.

We don't rise from avoiding pain. We rise when we alchemize it. Healing our wounds, although a very personal journey, has a much greater impact than most could ever realize. When we rise, we help to raise the collective frequency of humanity. That rise? It doesn't stop with us. It trickles down through generations to come.

How amazing is that? What a beautiful legacy.