Catching Fire

Here I am. I survived what I thought I couldn't. And in surviving, my soul has begun to transform.

I've spent months shut off from the world, crying, screaming out, begging God to take me home because the pain was too much. I wanted to be with Him and him (Tony). I was tortured with the loss of what I thought my life was supposed to be. Oh how wrong we can be.

I was forced to finally accept this new reality. It was clear that God had no intention of taking me any time soon. I took a deep breath and set the intention to discover what it is that is keeping me here. What was the work I still had to do? What did I need to learn? I asked God and the universe to show me the way.

As I made a tiny step to work on this very site, tiny sparks were igniting all around me. Suddenly the sparks lit me up like someone had poured gasoline on my soul. Signs, insights, clarity, divine nudges enveloped me. It was like the universe had been holding its breath until I finally found myself. It was a shedding of 40+ years of waiting, wondering, stagnating. Although somewhat of an emotional wave to ride through, it's been so invigorating and rejuvenating. Things that I used to struggle through now barely require thought and effort. The loneliness I've felt so often has now been replaced with a divine propulsion. I feel my ancestors and spiritual guides holding me to this path of soul recognition - a remembering of who I've always been beneath the pain, the noise and the forgetting.

I'm no longer afraid. And those flames? I understand now - they're not here to consume me. They're here to light the way. I carry them now, as part of who I'm becoming.